Crack Sunset: The Drabbles
by Calista Hyuga
Summary: A collection of drabbles based on the crack shipping of the Naruto Twitter RP fandom (Twitter no Jutsu). AU, OOC, all that jazz. Rated M for sexual themes. 1) Shibi & Teuchi 2) Obito & Hanare **DISCONTINUED FOR NOW**
1. AbuRamen (Shibi & Teuchi)

Baby when I heard you

For the first time, I knew

We were meant to be as one

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Or Kylie Minogue.

"Crack Sunset: The Drabbles"

1. AbuRamen (Shibi and Teuchi)

The sun was setting on this cool summer night as Teuchi the ramenguy watched the streets come alive. Every so often someone would stop to wave to him, then continuing on their merry way. Teuchi was a well-liked guy around the village, and the mere sight of him would light up the lives of the passerbys. But nobody really seemed to care about the man behind the counter. All they saw was the happy-go-lucky façade he put up.

Deep down, Teuchi was lonely. His wife had died from tuberculosis almost two decades ago, and their only daughter Ayame had ran off to get married to some black guy from the Hidden Cloud Village. He was left alone to live and die without anyone by his side.

"Hey old man!" A familiar blonde sauntered over and sat at the counter. "Oi hey, Naruto. The usual?" Naruto nodded and Teuchi turned his back to work on the order. There was a brief moment of silence before Naruto spoke up. "So how've you been lately, old man?"

"Oh uhm," he replied, back still turned, "I've been doing okay I guess." He did his best to save face. He could not and would not let a customer see him suffer.

"Well that's good" replied the blonde, oblivious to the man's suffering. Everyone was oblivious. He turned to serve the fox boy with a forced a smile. "Here you go Naruto, a bowl of-" his sentence fizzled out as he saw who was sitting at the end of the counter. Aburame Shibi, the secret object of Teuchi's affection and the last person he would've thought he'd see tonight was sitting at his counter.

He felt a small warmth in his stomach, as if someone had struck a match in there. There he was, Aburame frick frackin Shibi, man. The dark messy hair, the eyes hidden behind sunglasses, the mysterious aura; it was like a dream, and Teuchi didn't want to wake up.

"Oh hey Shibi." Teuchi served Naruto the ramen while doing his best to keep his cool. Naruto, being the ignorant mo fo he usually is, just tuned out the tension and dug into his meal. "Good evening Teuchi."

GAH! The way Shibi spoke his name drove the ramen guy insane and it took an indescribable amount of self-control not to fuck the guy right there. "So, what'll ya have?" To be honest, Shibi didn't really know much about ramen. He was there for... other reasons. "I'll have what he's having." The Aburame pointed to Naruto who was slurping away merrily. Whatever flavor it was, Shibi knew it had to be delicious. Hell it was made by Teuchi. "Of course. Coming right up!"

Teuchi turned away to work on the order and was glad to have an excuse to hide the light pink blush that tinted his cheeks. He had never felt so ecstatic. His admiration was about to eat his great creation and it was making him giddier than an Itachi fangirl.

He collected his cool and turned to serve the Aburame. "So Shibi, how've you been?" The bug man took his chopsticks in silence, casting a solem look behind his sunglassed eyes. "Honestly it's been a little rough lately, especially for Shino. Kiba broke up with him for the sand village puppet kid."

Naruto, who was only a few stools away from Shibi, gagged on his noodles. "No way, why would Kiba date Kankuro?" Teuchi chuckled. "Who knows? I mean, why would you date Sasuke?" A look of intense panic suddenly washed over the boy's whiskered face. "Shit! I forgot I was supposed to have dinner with Sasuke! He's gonna kill me! Well, he'd probably fuck me first, but he'll still kill me!" Naruto slurped the rest of his broth before dashing off towards the Uchiha ghetto.

"Man that kid..." Teuchi trailed off as he heard an uncharacteristic laugh leave Shibi's lips. "You have to admit, he's entertaining." Teuchi watched the Aburame resume eating, mesmerized by his sheer grace. He tried his best not to reach out and feed the man in fear of rejection.

Rejection was the only thing keeping Teuchi from making a move. What would a great shinobi such as him see in a mere chef? Little did Teuchi know how the bug man really felt about him, the man who put a smile on everyone's face after the reconstruction of the village.

The man who kept everyone's spirits up.

The man who stole his heart.

Shibi slilently wished that he wasn't so socially awkward. He had finally gotten the courage to face the man, but what to say to him? "So what do you think of the weather lately?" Shit! Why Shibi, why the weather? Teuchi chuckled at the man's awkwardness. "Ehh it's been good."

Shibi nodded and drank up the rest of his broth. This ramen was absolute soul food, and now he understood why Teuchi was so successful. The bug man smiled in satisfaction. "Thank you Teuchi, this was very good." Teuchi tried and failed to hide his blush as he took the empty bowl from Shibi's hands. "Why thank you... oh no you don't have to pay. It's on the house." Shibi couldn't deny the man's offer and stowed away his coin purse. "Could I at least help you with the dishes?"

The white cloth dangling in the entryway fluttered as Iruka entered. He heard water running and pots clanging from somewhere in the back, signaling closing time. "Teuchi I know it's kinda late, but I just got back from a mission. Could you make me a bowl just this once?"

The water was still running when he heard footsteps draw closer to the counter. "Ah Shibi, what're you doing here?"

"I'm just helping Teuchi close up. He asked me to serve you." Iruka was caught off guard by the Aburame. "Er no thanks. I'd rather not have a fly in my soup." The brunette hopped off the stool and took his leave. Teuchi finished with the dishes and entered the kitchen, finding a dumbfounded and insulted Shibi standing in silence.

"Teuchi are my bugs... gross?" The ramen man stood in silence as he thought of something to say. Unfortunately he couldn't come up with anything. He honestly was grossed out by the bugs, but wouldn't outright admit that.

"They are, aren't they?" Oh no, this is it, the game's over. Teuchi shuffled his feet feeling defeated. "Maybe they are," he mumbled, deciding to change his tune, and looking up with determination, "but you aren't." Teuchi was fed up with being a coward. Now was the time to make a move.

Shibi's heart skipped a beat as the man drew closer and lightly cupped his cheek. "Shibi, I-" His words were cut off when the Aburame placed a firm yet caring kiss on his lips. The game was over and they were both winners. Teuchi pulled away to catch his breath. "Shibi, I-" The bug man placed a slender finger on his lips to shoosh him before pulling him into another kiss.

Those words never needed to be said.


	2. Booty no Me (Obito & Hanare)

I would like to get to know you baby

I'd like to get a piece of that sexy body

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

"Crack Sunset: The Drabbles"

2. Booty no Me (Hanare and Obito)

The sun was setting on this cool summer night as Uchiha Obito trolled the streets of the Hidden Lock Village in the Land of Key. Yes, that was a real place, and Obito nearly laughed his ass off when old man Madara informed him that they were moving there. They were originally living in some dank cave by the Sunagakure border, but Madara found the means, probably through pimpin Zetsu, to get them a cute little house in the Lock village. And Obito was on the move to get himself a cute girl.

He prowled the streets looking for a good catch, but could only find a couple of drunk hookers hanging around. Most of the young attractive women were married and probably indoors reading their kids shitty bedtime stories. Everyone in this village was either John and Kate Plus Eight or Jersey Shore and it seriously pissed him off.

He wanted to give up and go home, but then again why the fuck would he go home? Madara was probably wanking off his forever flaccid dick to old photos of his precious Hashirama, and Zetsu was probably tending to his precious weed farm. Even if they were dumb, those two had hobbies and Obito wanted his own; women. He wanted to bone. If you were trapped in a cave for thirteen years with an old guy and a plant, you would feel the same way.

Rather than go home and face a horny Madara, Obito decided to drown his sorrows at the nearest strip club. He waddled in like a socially awkward penguin and slumped himself over the bar. "What's a nigga got to do to get some dranks up in here?" The bartender, a tall lean black man with white hair, looked at him like he was on acid.

It was probably the scars. The right half of Obito's face (from his perspective), and his body for that matter, were horrifically scarred. He was crushed by a boulder years ago and Madara was the one who had saved him, using the DNA of his precious Hashi to restore his other half. Obito grimaced as he distinctly remebered that he offered to service Madara's "lower parts", thinking it would be best to let that memory go.

"Hey buddy, here you go." The black man slid a very brightly colored pink lemonade martini his way. Obito snarled. "Bitch, you think this is funny?" The chocolate man laughed. "It's on the house, dude." The Uchiha snatched up the girly drink and headed closer to the stage cursing under his breath. When he looked up he saw something quite unexpected.

Something beautiful.

A girl, no a woman, with pale skin, long forest green hair and a smile brighter than the full moon. She wasn't even a stripper, just a regular customer getting a lap dance from a busty blonde girl. And damn was that hot. Obito stood a distance away and watched the two interact while willing away an oncoming boner.

This was the girl he wanted to take home.

After the blonde bimbo finished shaking her melons in the girl's face, Obito put on his swag and walked over. "Hey there, I'm Obito. And you are?" The girl peered at him through large almond-shaped eyes.

"Hanare" she replied taking in the sight of the man before her. He was quite tall and a bit muscular and had it not been for his scarred face he would've been incredibly handsome. Maybe even husband material.

"Hanare... lovely to meet you." She motioned for Obito to join her and they sat on the small couch by the stage. "Oh uhm, this is for you." Obito flashed his teeth in a quick grin as he handed Hanare the martini.

"Oh well that's sweet of you, but I'm not into kiddie drinks." The Uchiha felt a pit in his stomach. Rejection sucks. Hanare noticed the hurt look on Obito's downcast face and took the drink anyway. "I just happened to be thirsty." She gave him a quick glare trying to dismiss his hope. Honestly, she was thirsty for some Obito D, but wanted to see if he was worth it.

Hanare finished her drink, handed Obito the empty glass and lit up a cigarette. He watched in awe as she fit her lips around the cigarette, leaving a deep crimson stain on the filter. Obito longed to have those lips against his smearing that lipstick all over his mouth and subconsciously rubbed the red flim she had left on the rim of the glass. He was tempted to taste it but gained control of his urge once he caught the woman staring at him.

"I'm sorry, do you not like the smoke?"

"N-no. It's fine."

Really it was fine. Oh so fine as hell. A woman with perfect round boobs who took strong drinks and smoked cigarettes was perfection in Obito's onyx eyes. She had this dangerously sexy aura about her, and that was all Obito wanted in a girl. Now, how to bring her home?

"So Hanare... are you a lesbian?" It was such an innocent yet personal question, and Hanare couldn't help but laugh out of nervousness.

"No, I just enjoy company." She cringed at her response. It made her sound like... an old man. True she was very lonely, but that was the way she wanted it to be. Or so she convinced herself.

"Hey listen-"

"So, uhm-"

They both paused and waited for the other to finish their sentence. The glimpes turned to stares, and the stares turned to gazes as the two became lost in each others' eyes. This was sexual tension at its finest, and both knew what would happen next. They knew what they wanted and now it was time to act.

The thick oak door burst open as the two hastily entered the small house trying not to break their kisses. Obito pulled away and grabbed Hanare's hand and led her to his bedroom upstairs. "Be quiet," he whispered, "I don't want to wake up my erm... grandpa." The green-haired woman flashed her bright moonlight smile as she was brought up the staircase.

Once they were inside the Uchiha's room, she led him over to the bed and began slowly stripping. "Wait, wait." Obito got up and fumbled around in a drawer for a while until he found a condom and his iPod. After plugging it in he hit shuffle and "I'm In Love With A Stripper" (T-Pain) came on.

"Perfect." Hanare smirked as she pulled down her booty shorts painfully slow, pulling her ruby lips into a playful smirk. Obito gasped when he saw the fire red lace thong she was wearing; althought it was unintentional, it perfectly matched her lipstick.

"Oh yeah baby" Obito muttered. Hanare slowly and seductively strattled him and pulled him into a deep kiss, tongues engaging in a battle for dominace. The two continued to suck face, only pausing for air or to remove clothing. Even though he was inexperienced Obito came out the victor of the tongue wrestle.

Obito used Hanare's momentary slip up to his advantage and slammed her back into the bed causing her to moan with excitement. The blood red glow of the sunset leaked through his bedroom windows, and he took a moment to admire the way the light seemed to caress every inch of her curves. There was something about this girl that was so magical and so perfect, and Obito silently wished he could have her forever.

Hanare snapped him back to Earth and pulled him down into a kiss, her soft hands running over the toned muscles of his back. The Uchiha parted and blushed lightly as he felt her dainty fingers trace his scars. "I'm sorry, should I stop?" Obito shook his head no and resumed the kiss, massaging Hanare's thigh with one hand and her breast with another. Hanare gently placed her hand on his and slowly guided it closer and closer until he placed a long finger inside of her.

Obito continued to finger her as he drank in her quiet moans, adding a second digit. The green haired woman panted as she rode his fingers to the smooth rythm of "Touchdown" (The Game).

"Do you like this baby? You like when Obito fucks you like this?" His dirty talk came out slightly awkward but Hanare was too busy enjoying the finger fuck. She whimpered as he slowly removed his digits and used his clean hand to wipe her sweaty forehead.

It was time to do it.

Obito lined up with her entrance and was about to pound the shit out of her when an all too familiar guitar came screeching from his speakers. His onyx eyes widened with fear and embarassment as the one song that shouldn't have come on blared through an incredibly awkward silence:

I wanna be the very best

Like no one ever was

To catch them is my real test

To train them is my cause

Hanare's chocolate eyes shot open and she tried her hardest not to laugh. Meanwhile, Obito's face was turning beet red. He stared downward not wanting to make the situation any worse. But then again, could it really get any worse?

The green-haired kuniochi chuckled lightly. "My poor Obi." She pulled him down to lay beside her and rested his head on her breast, stroking her fingers through his dark hair. Obito relaxed into the caresses and drifted into a pleasant slumber.

It's you and me

I know it's my destiny

The next morning, Hanare was gone. No note, just those delectable red panties left bunched in his hand. Obito had never felt lonlier, and was in utter despair.

I will travel across the land

Searching far and wide

Night after night for the next three weeks he found himself in the village's strip clubs searching for the girl with a smile brighter than the moon. But she was not to be found. Years went by, the panties were lost and all he had left were the sweet sweet memories.

Thankfully, Obito didn't catch anything from that night.

**He's got that summertime, summertime sadness. Sorry, I'm just in love with that song right now**


End file.
